Faith is a Gift

True faith allows you to live without fear....or at least with less fear than you’d have without it.

When the dreary economy and talk of a deadly flu are all over the news, spoken of at the office, and in school newsletters, you can’t help but start to worry and become anxious, right? Bad news is all over the place right now and in my opinion its effects can be far worse than our reality. Worry and fear cause stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety can affect everyone you live with. Your children sense it and carry it with them and so does your spouse or significant other. It can lead to trouble sleeping, a lack of patience, tension in relationships, and even cause physical distress.

I’ve been there. I have suffered anxiety attacks from minor to severe since I was just a child. The worst was when I was in my late 20’s. There were many things concerning me at the time. It was a few months after the tragedy of 9/11, my husband’s job wasn’t secure, we were living paycheck to paycheck so that I could stay home with our one and three-year-old sons, and I had a concern about my health. I also knew that my time with my parents and siblings that I was so close to was limited because they were all planning to move to another state. I had just come home from an evening out with friends at a scrapbooking store. I started to feel like I was going to be sick...you know what I mean by sick. Then before I could get up to run to the bathroom my vision began to blur with black spots, my heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest and the room began to spin. I had never felt such a horrible feeling. I told my husband that I needed to go to bed and he followed. As I laid there I knew I needed to tell my husband something. “Drew, I need you to know that I know I’m going to die tonight. I want you to know that I know this.” He sat up beside me and calmly said, “Honey, you’re just having a panic attack.” While I was comforted to hear him say that so matter-of-factly and calmly it didn’t take away the dreadful feelings I had. I wanted to go scoop up my boys and bring them in bed with me for my last hours.

It was several months before I felt like me again. A happy, healthy, grateful mother, wife, daughter and sister. But I learned something very valuable that has kept me from ever experiencing another severe anxiety attack. I was not in control of my life. I could only control my own actions and my own thoughts. Rather than lying in bed each night thinking about my fears I needed to spend that time praying and giving my concerns to God. I needed to say, “God I trust you with my life. I trust you, I trust you, I trust you.” The tremendous weight that was lifted from my shoulders when I handed my fears to God was immeasurable.

I learned that what I can’t control I have to give to God. I will admit that I’ve relapsed from time to time during times of tremendous stress. But I now live most of my days in a state of peace. It’s something that I have to stay focused on though. It is such a help to have people around me with similar faith. I choose to surround myself with positive people. Negativity and faith are equally infectious.

We all have a choice to make. I choose to infect my family and friends with love and faith.